Ice risk assessment
Satire / ParodyFind out why ICE would stop you.
A fake profiling system that turns ordinary people into 'targets' on paper.
Everyone has a reason. What's yours?
Not real. But the logic is.
EXAMPLE ASSESSMENTS
“Unauthorized possession of an elite college-girl messy bun so perfect it threatens national hair-gel supply chain security.”
“Suspiciously mastering the “I’m just out here living my best life” vibe while clearly radiating too much Pacific Northwest privilege.”
“Operating a highly suspicious Level-5 beard-growing program without proper documentation or a valid camo endorsement.”
No one is safe. That's the point.
Why this exists
If an algorithm can find a reason to flag anyone, maybe the problem isn't the people.
Flagged By ICE generates official-sounding nonsense to show how profiling works: the conclusion comes first, the justification comes after.
It's absurd. That's the point.